The Exhaustion of Being “In the Know” — And Why I’m Opting Out
As a mom and a life coach, I’ve learned to value presence over performance. Connection over control. And truthfully, lately, I’ve been feeling a bit bombarded — not by my child, but by the well-meaning systems meant to “keep me in the loop.”
My daughter’s school sends me everything. Pictures. Updates. Activities. Snack time. Playground time. Art time. Circle time. I’m getting 10, sometimes 15 notifications a day — like a constant livestream of her childhood. And while I know the intention is positive — to make me feel included and reassured — it’s starting to feel like too much.
Because the truth is: I don’t want to know what she’s doing every minute of the day. I want her to have her own little world. I want to pick her up and see the joy in her eyes as she tells me what happened. I want to ask questions and let her fill me in, in her own messy, magical way. I want the mystery. The excitement. The stories told over snack time at our kitchen counter.
But we’ve become obsessed with being “in the know.” Maybe it’s the ripple effect of the social media era — where everything is documented, filtered, and broadcasted in real time. Maybe it’s fear. Maybe it’s comparison. Or maybe it’s just this collective belief that if we don’t see it, we’re somehow failing as parents.
But here’s the twist: being overly informed doesn’t make me feel more connected. It makes me feel distracted, overstimulated, and strangely… disconnected from the natural rhythm of parenting. I’m not living the moment with her — I’m watching it on my phone. Again and again.
As a coach, I work with so many women who are overwhelmed by this constant pressure to be on top of everything. To know it all. See it all. Be all things, all the time. But parenting — like life — isn’t meant to be micromanaged. It’s meant to be experienced.
So here’s my permission slip to you (and to myself): It’s okay to not want the pictures. It’s okay to not need the updates. It’s okay to miss a moment and make space for connection later.
Let them play. Let them explore. Let them have stories we don’t already know.
With you on the journey,
Crystal Gargiulo
Mom. Coach. Realtor. Human.